Below is and untitled episode of Simpsons I am working on. This is for fun. I am not employed by the people at The Simpsons, that’d be cool if I was, but this is not licensed from them. This is an idea I have had for a month or so now. Most of it came from Kevin Smith saying he would absolutely love to be on an episode of The Simpsons. I am not able to actually make that happen, but I do think I can attempt a decent teleplay for how an episode with him on there should be, in this moment of time. So in three to five years this teleplay may not work. I am not finished and below is not even all that I do have done. I just wanted to get a small taste out there to see what anyone might think. So here it goes.
The Simpsons is of course © of Fox and Matt Groening and all that other legal stuff. So this is just for fun.
Please read what you can. This is not the full teleplay, but I ended up including a lot. Thanks.
(insert Kevin Smith as a Simpsons Character.)
(I haven’t gotten around to drawing that yet, so for now, use your imagination. I know that’s a lot to ask.)
Untitled Simpson Episode
by
Jeffrey Hale
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
INT. AIRPLANE - COACH SCENE 1
Homer is walking through the aisle of the plane and bumping
people with his bag.
HOMER
Sorry. Sorry. Oops sorry. Sorry.
Homer finds his seat and sits down. Homer struggles to get
in his seat pulling the arm rest up. He breathes in deep and
wiggles his ass into the seat. Then he pushes the arm rest
on top of his flap which is hanging over the seat. Bart runs
through the aisle and sits in the seat next to Homer, also
sitting on the flap of fat on the seat.
HOMER (CONT'D)
(SCREAMS)
Why you little!
Homer grabs Bart by his throat and starts choking him
BART
(WHILE MAKING CHOKING NOISES)
I didn't mean to.
Bart flips the latch holding the tray table and it drops on
Homer's legs. It startles Homer.
Homer screams.
Homer lets go of Bart's throat. Bart runs away down the
aisle into the first class section.
Homer readjusts himself in the seat, putting the tray table
back up. He pulls an MP3 player out, puts ear phones in and
starts the player.
KEVIN SMITH
(THROUGH THE EARPHONES.)
Welcome to Hollywood Babble on. I'm
Kevin Smith.
INT. AIRPLANE - FIRST CLASS SCENE 2
Bart walks through the bigger aisle of first class. As he
goes from seat to seat he looks at each person.
BART
Nobody. Nobody. Nobody. Nobody.
Bart reaches the end of first class. He turns around and
looks toward the exit.
BART (CONT'D)
I guess that shows that no one of
interest ever comes to Springfield.
INT. AIRPLANE - COACH SCENE 3
Homer is looking through the sky mall magazine.
HOMER
(AT EVERY PAGE)
Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.
He turns the page to a chair in the shape of a doughnut with
pink frosting and sprinkles. The hole of the doughnut is
where you sit down. It's advertised as a doughnut shaped
gaming chair.
HOMER (CONT'D)
MMMMM…doughnut…
He opens his mouth, sticks his tongue out to the side, and
drools.
A flight attendant walks up to Homer while he is still
drooling.
FLIGHT ATTENDANT
Excuse me sir. Could you come with me
for quick minute?
Homer looks at the flight attendant.
HOMER
Where are we going?
FLIGHT ATTENDANT
I just need you to step over here for a
minute.
The flight attendant points to the door of the plane.
Homer gets up and follows the flight attendant over to the
door of the plane.
FLIGHT ATTENDANT (CONT'D)
I'm sorry sir, but I need you to leave
the plane.
HOMER
(CONFUSED)
What..what..what did I do?
The flight attendant points toward door of the plane.
FLIGHT ATTENDANT
You didn't do anything. I just need you
to leave the plane.
Homer walks out the door toward the entrance of the
terminal.
HOMER
But what about my bag? The boy? We were
just going to Comic Con.
FLIGHT ATTENDANT
I will get your bag and your child.
Homer reaches the end of the terminal.
HOMER
(Yells)
I don't care about the boy. I just
don't want him to go without me.
INT. AIRPORT - TERMINAL #15 SCENE 4
Homer stands in front of the desk of the terminal. On the
desk it says WestNorth Airlines "We Get You Where You Need
To Go Cheaply".
HOMER
I don't understand why I had to leave.
WESTNORTH EMPLOYEE
Sir we just had concerns about you
flying.
HOMER
Was it my MP3 player? I would have shut
it off before we took off. There were
others on their laptop.
WESTNORTH EMPLOYEE
It wasn't the MP3 player sir. We will
do what we can to help with this
flight.
We just need that the next time you fly
WestNorth Airlines, that you buy two
seats.
HOMER
I did buy two seats, one for me and one
for the boy.
WESTNORTH EMPLOYEE
You will need to buy two seats for
yourself.
HOMER
Well that's just stupid. I can't sit in
two seats at the same time.
Homer lifts his head and a thought bubble forms above his
head. In the thought bubble there are two airplane seats.
Homer in the thought bubble walks in and sits right in the
middle of the two seats. The arm of one stabs him in the
back. As the thought bubble Homer screams, the chairs turn
into the doughnut chair. Homer stops screaming and takes a
bite out of the chair.
Zoom back out to Homer standing in front of the WestNorth
desk.
HOMER (CONT'D)
Mmmm…chair…mmmmm.
WESTNORTH EMPLOYEE
I'm sorry sir.
The WestNorth Employee hands Homer a bunch of papers.
WESTNORTH EMPLOYEE (CONT'D)
If you have any complaints, just send
them to the customer support.
The telephone number, email, and
twitter account is all on that paper.
As is the privacy policy for using
WestNorth Airlines. Thank you sir and
have a good day.
Homer turns away from the WestNorth Employee and beside him
is Bart with his bag and Homers bag.
BART
So what the hell Homer? Why did we get
kicked off the plane? I only flushed
two army man down the toilet and only
harassed Bumble Bee man.
HOMER
I don't know.
BART
Maybe you're too fat to fly.
HOMER
Why you little!
Homer grabs Bart by the throat and starts choking him.
BART
(While making choking noises)
It happened to Kevin Smith. Don't you
remember.
Homer stops choking Bart.
BART (CONT'D)
(CATCHING HIS BREATH.)
I told you not to take WestNorth.
HOMER
But they were so cheap.
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
FADE IN:
INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - DOORWAY SCENE 5
Homer runs through the doorway with Bart following him.
Marge and Lisa are in the living room.
Marge is vacuuming the curtains. Lisa is reading a book on
the floor.
Homer runs into the living room.
INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
MARGE
What are you doing here Homer?
HOMER
(FAST AND EXCITEDLY)
I got kicked off the plane and I don't
know why. It didn't seem to be the
boy's fault and
(HOMER TAKES A BREATH)
I really wanted to..
(WHINING)
go to comic con.
MARGE
What did you do?
HOMER
I didn't do anything.
LISA
They had to have some reason to kick
you off.
BART
He's too fat to fly.
Homer runs at Bart and puts his hands around Bart's neck.
HOMER
Why you little!
MARGE
Homer stop!
Homer looks at Marge before he starts to choke Bart
MARGE (CONT'D)
Let go of him. You have gained some
extra weight the last month and I've
heard that plane companies are really
cracking down on the heftier customers.
Homer still has his hands around Bart's neck.
HOMER
(WHINING)
But Marge, that's not fair.
(SERIOUS TONE)
Just because I have a few extra pounds
doesn't mean that I shouldn't be able
to fly. It's not like my extra weight
will bring the plane.
BART
Actually Homer you do weigh the same as
a small plane.
HOMER
Why you little!
Homer starts to choke Bart.
Marge grabs a broom and uses the handle to separate Homer
hands from Bart's throat.
Homer sits down on the couch and pouts.
HOMER (CONT'D)
I guess I will never get to meet Kevin
Smith and Frank Garmy. I love that
Garmy dude. He does so many good
voices.
(EXCITED)
Like there was this one time this dude
asked him to help him get his wife to
give up her…
MARGE
Ok! Well why don't you try another way
to get to Comic Con?
BART
What about Mr. Burns? He has a personal
jet.
HOMER
Aww, but then he will know why I quit.
MARGE
You quit? You said you took vacation
time.
HOMER
I told you that so you wouldn't get mad
and tell me I couldn't go.
Marge rolls her eyes.
MARGE
HHMMMM.
Homer grabs Bart.
HOMER
Come on boy. We are going to see the
boss.
INT. SIMPSONS HOUSE - DOORWAY
BART
We're going to see Bruce Springstein?
INT. RADIATION PLANT - MR. BURNS OFFICE SCENE 6
Homer and Bart stand in front of Mr. Burns' desk with Burns
sitting behind it and Smithers standing next to him.
MR. BURNS
Let me get this straight. You want me
to let you borrow my jet to go
to…(pause)
MR. SMITHERS
Comic Con sir.
MR. BURNS
Ah yes, Comic Con. Tell me Mr. Smithers
does this Mister (pause)
MR. SMITHERS
Simpson sir, Homer Simpson.
MR. BURNS
Simpson, eh. Does Simpson work for me?
MR. SMITHERS
Well he did sir, in sector 4G, but he
quit this morning.
MR. BURNS
He quit?
MR. SMITHERS
Yes sir.
MR. BURNS
Did he say why?
MR. SMITHERS
No sir.
MR. BURNS
Well I'll tell you what I'm going to do
Simpson. I like your guts. It took guts
to quit and then ask to use my jet.
Mr. Burns throws Homer a key.
MR. BURNS (CONT'D)
So use my jet to go to this Comic Con,
but first thing Monday morning you
better be here on time and no more
quitting.
HOMER
Thank you sir.
Homer grabs Bart and run out of the office.
MR. SMITHERS
But sir?
MR. BURNS
I've decided Smithers. He doesn't get
any longer then Monday.
MR. SMITHERS
But sir, should we really let him keep
his job.
MR. BURNS
You just don't understand Smithers. I
see me in that man. What was his name
again?
MR. SMITHERS
Homer Simpson sir.
MR. BURNS
Simpson eh. (beat) Well I'm spent
Smithers. I want to take a nap. Now
leave me and don't screw something up.
MR. SMITHERS
Do you want me to tell you a story sir?
MR. BURNS
I'm not a child Smithers. Now get me my
teddy.
MR. SMITHERS
Yes sir.
INT. AIRPLANE HANGAR
Homer and Bart stand outside Mr. Burns jet. On the side of
the jet there's a picture of Mr. Burns, and the words
"Burns' World" below the picture.
BART
So where's the pilot?
HOMER
We don't need no stinking pilot. Plus I
have one right here.
Homer pulls a pen out of his shirt pocket and moves the pen
around as if it is flying and making car like noises.
BART
Seriously Homer. You can't fly the
plane.
HOMER
I went to space.
BART
But you didn't fly it.
A guy walks by Homer and Bart.
BART (CONT'D)
Hey you!
PILOT
Yes?
BART
You a pilot?
PILOT
Yes.
BART
He's flying Homer.
HOMER
(WHINING)
But I wanted to fly.
BART
Homer give him the keys.
HOMER
(WHINY)
Ah, you're no fun.
Homer throws the key to the Pilot.
HOMER (CONT'D)
Take us to Comic Con.
PILOT
Yes sir.
The pilot opens the door to the plane. Homer, Bart, and the
Pilot walk inside.
EXT. AIRPORT
The plane takes off.
EXT. COMIC CON BUILDING SCENE 7
HOMER
We finally made it boy.
BART
Yeah, but what about the alien?
HOMER
He can get his own ticket. I don't care
if he can bring a bird back to life.
Homer and Bart walk toward the building.
INT. COMIC CON SCENE 8
Homer and Bart walk through the doors for comic con. They
pass two Spock's, five Slave Princess Leia's and one
Zoidberg.
HOMER
Dammit! I knew I forgot something.
INT. SIMPSONS HOUSE
Lying on Homer's bed is a Princess Leia white dress costume.
Next to the costume, Maggie is sitting on the bed with the
hair buns on her head.
INT. COMIC CON
Homer walks up to a guy in a Luke Skywalker costume.
HOMER
Hey, you remember when I saved you from
the nerds?
All noise in the building stops and everyone looks at Homer.
HOMER (CONT'D)
Heh. I love nerds. Go dark side.
The Luke Skywalker nerd points a green lightsaber replica at
Homer
LUKE SKYWALKER NERD
I hope that you do not support the dark
side. My father died because of the
dark side.
HOMER
Nooooo!!
The Luke Skywalker nerd jumps back. Homer runs over to a
kiosk and grabs a Statue of Liberty model from the Planet of
the Apes
HOMER (CONT'D)
(YELLING)
You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn
you! God damn you all to hell!
LUKE SKYWALKER NERD
What a nerd.
Everybody goes back to what they were doing before Homer
spoke to the Luke Skywalker nerd.
©mannitt
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